Envy is a Bitch: Why We Need to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others

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How many times have you felt like a total, lagging loser after scrolling through Instagram? 

You opened the app just to see what your friends were up to, but you left it feeling like you had to get your shit together.

If that sounds all too relatable, you’re going to be shocked to read that there have been people who look at your pictures and think they need to get their shit together. 

I know, right? I was shocked, too. Like, I know I run a blog, but in the grand scheme of things, I so do not have everything figured out yet. 

That’s why it’s amusing that we feel the need to compare ourselves to others and feel envy when we do so. 

We all compare ourselves to something that doesn’t even exist.

You’re a smart woman, and I know you know that ninety-nine percent of the pictures and videos you see on social media are not real. 

We only share the great moments in our lives, the wins, and success. We share beautiful views and parties and good times with our best friends. 

We share the pictures of us working at one in the morning to look like we’re hustling when we’re actually trying to catch up because we avoided working all day. 

Photo by Callie Morgan on Unsplash

We don’t share the times we fail and make mistakes, or the moments we’re stressing the fuck out and pulling out our hair. 

There are no Instagram stories for when we’re avoiding work or lying lazily in bed because we refuse to get up at seven in the morning. 

Why would we share that crap? We don’t want to look like we’re falling apart.

So, as much as I’d like to get into why we should share more content like that, that’s not what this is about. 

This article is about how we need to stop comparing ourselves to people because those people are struggling just as much as we are. 

Here are some times I feel envy:

  • When I see somebody around my age who’s more successful than I am
  • When I’m on social media and see people connecting with influencers that I’m not even on the radar of
  • When I see someone living a more comfortable life than me (i.e., they can afford things I can’t)

Just writing those sentences makes me feel so ridiculous. I sound like an annoying and bratty kid who’s crying because Lisa has the shoes she wants, and her parents won’t get them for her. (Think, Carmelita Spats.)

However, I had to write them so both of us could see how idiotic it looked. 

I’m probably going to feel a little embarrassed when I upload this because I really do seem like a bratty seven-year-old, but the point is to help you realize that—in the nicest way possible—you look like that bratty seven-year-old, too.

Here’s what I’m learning

We all have our own paths. Some kids become famous actors at four, some writers write a best-selling novel at twenty-one, and some singers don’t make it until their fifty. 

Hell, some artists don’t become popular until they’re dead.


What I’m trying to say is this: different things happen to different people at different times. 

The truth is that your best friend might get a great job next week, and you won’t get your dream job until next year. 

Your sister might have her business blow up in the next month, and yours won’t explode until five years from now. 

But that’s still no reason to be envious of someone.

Being envious of other people’s success doesn’t do anything for you. It won’t make you successful, and it’s not going to speed up your progress. 

Envy just makes you feel gross inside. 

Just because someone else succeeds, doesn’t mean you won’t. As long as you work on your goal every day and don’t give up, you’ll make it. 

It might take an extra couple of months or years before you see your results, but you are going to see them.

We feel envy because we’re impatient

Photo by Icons8 team on Unsplash

We want success now. Even if we just started working toward our goals six months ago, we want the results that generally don’t happen until years from now.

The only thing impatience accomplishes is getting us to quit. 

We quit because we don’t get what we want now rather than working hard and continuing to push, which is what leads to real success.

We have to learn to wait for our time. 

We should focus on reaching the short-term goals that will take us one step closer to our long-term goals instead of only the long-term.

The best we can do is keep our heads down and work. 

We have to find ways to improve our craft, learn more skills, apply what we learn, share along the way, and that’s it. 

Only when time has passed can we finally look at ourselves and where we stand. 

Not comparing myself to others brings the best results

Doing this is what’s going to get us to stop the envy before its hands get a full grasp on us.

When you focus on your life rather than what’s going on in everyone else’s is when the magic happens. 

When I get the hell off of social media for a couple of days or weeks, I feel so relieved. 

The pressure to do something significant and to succeed as soon as possible gets lifted off my shoulders.

When you don’t compare yourself to someone, you allow yourself the freedom to simply create and do what you love instead of worrying about the results—or lack thereof.

I’m not perfect, of course. All of this advice is as much for me as it is for you. 

I can’t help but feel envy sometimes no matter how hard I try to avoid it, but instead of glaring at a picture for five minutes as if it’s going to do anything, I swipe out and move on. 

Then, I get back to work because that’s what truly matters.

The power of supporting others

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Do you know what feels better than envy? Supporting the fuck out of others. 

I love reading other people’s articles, commenting, and messaging them on social media. Sharing their stuff brings me joy.

I understand how hard blogging is, how stressful writing can sometimes be, and the amount of work that has to go into promoting, so acknowledging others, and their work is vital to me.

I want to support other artists, other badass women who are killing it and going against society’s rules. I want them to remember that they’re doing an epic job.

Instead of feeling envy toward someone, feel excited for them. Reach out to them and ask how you can help and what you can do to support their dreams. 

Life is so much easier when you let go of envy and support others in their journey instead. 

Envy is a bitch. Don’t give into it. Rise above, support others, and kick ass. How’s that sound?

Bitterness keeps you from flying.

From Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw

You can spend ten minutes staring at a picture on Instagram, burning with envy, or you can spend those ten minutes working on something that will help you reach your goals.

Envy is a bitch. Don’t give into it. Rise above, support others, and kick ass. How’s that sound?

. . .

Let's talk about

Let me know in the comments:

What are some of the things that make you envious? How are you going to deal with it?

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