Hey guys, welcome back! In today’s video, I’m going to be giving you advice on how to forgive the people that have done you wrong.
If you’re watching this video right now, it’s because you are holding a grudge and frankly, it’s just tiring you. Now, you want to forgive this person, but you’re not sure if they deserve it and you’re afraid that if you do let them off the hook, they’re going to hurt you again.
Well, here’s the thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness is about YOU, not the other person.
There’s this example that Jen Sincero gives in her book You’re a Badass that I really love. She says, when it comes to hurting yourself by accident like you bump your knee on the corner of the bed, what’s the first thing you do? You automatically move your hand down to it and you rub it, or if you cut yourself you will put on a bandaid and put alcohol on it even though it stings just because you want to relieve the pain.
So, why don’t we do that with emotional pain? Why do we let it just sit there for days, and days, and days, letting it hurt us even more, instead of like the physical pain, we do something about it to get rid of it right away?
If you want to feel light and free again, then the only solution to holding a grudge is letting it go.
There’s no magic potion that’ll do it for you. You have to make that choice yourself. You have to decide, I will no longer let what this person did to me and I will move on instead.
You forgiving a person isn’t about you letting them off the hook. It’s not telling them that what they did to you was right. It just means that you are loving yourself. That you’re saying, I deserve to feel great again and I choose to let it go; that’s all it means. It doesn’t mean that what this person did to you is okay.
Also, just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you need to let them back into your life. You’re allowed to say, “Look I forgive you, but frankly, this relationship we have over.” You don’t have to spend time with these people any longer just because you said, “Hey, it’s okay you’re forgiven.” You’re allowed to cut off the people you don’t want in your life anymore.
So, now the big question is: How do I forgive people who have done me wrong?
Well, I have a few tips for you. There are 4 tips and the first one is…
1. LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID FROM THEIR ANGLE
Ask, “is this person okay?” Because I know that sometimes when I snap at people that I usually don’t snap at, it’s only because I’m having a bad day. That doesn’t excuse my behavior, but normally I’m not rude or mean to someone, you know?
So, you need to ask yourself, okay maybe this person had a really bad day yesterday, or their morning is going terribly or maybe something happened that you’re not aware of that’s affecting the way they act. Like I said, it doesn’t excuse their behavior.
Sometimes, you need to see what this person is doing from their point of view. You should also be able to look at things from different angles because, for example, what if you texted someone to give you advice on this really big problem you’re having and then you get angry because they don’t text you back all day.
Well, it may not be that they have something against you or that they actually dislike you. It might just be the fact that they left their phone at home. So, you shouldn’t assume stuff and if they are mean to you in person, like I said, just ask them, “Hey is everything okay?”
And if everything is okay, then honestly they’re just being assholes…….Assholes that you should still forgive by the way.
The second tip is to remember that…
2. YOU WON’T REMEMBER WHAT THIS PERSON DID TO YOU IN 10 YEARS
If it’s not worth worrying about now, why does it matter? Might as well not pay any attention to what this person did to you and instead choose to let it go, if in then 10 years it’s not going to mean anything!
3. FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE A WEAK PERSON
It just means that you are strong as hell. Forgiveness isn’t something easy to give, that’s why I’m making this, you know? You need to understand that just because you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re allowing them to hurt you again, that you’re showing sign of weakness.
It just means that you’re strong enough to say I love myself. I deserve to feel free, which is why I’m forgiving you. I know that sometimes we do think that forgiving someone makes you look weak, but if that person thinks that it does, well who cares? You know the truth and that is that you are very strong for being able to forgive that person.
4. DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING FELT RESENTMENT TOWARDS SOMEONE
I know that maybe by the time you’re finished watching this you’re going to have regretted wasting that time holding a grudge when instead you should’ve just forgiven them and let it go. But, it’s okay if you’ve been holding a grudge.
No one’s perfect. You’re probably still not going to be able to forgive people all the time from now on. Maybe it’ll be easier, you’ll be able to do it more often, but it’s probably not going to happen 100%.
Don’t feel guilty when you do hold a grudge. This whole video is just me giving you advice on how to feel freer and how to forgive people, right? I am not trying to make you feel guilty for holding a grudge. And I’m not saying it’s bad to hold a grudge either. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to forgive someone right now because sometimes things do take time. Sometimes, people really do hurt you too deeply to the point where right now you just can’t seem to forgive them.
But, after a while, once it’s hurting you so much to the point where you don’t even want to open up and trust someone again, well then that’s when you should say, “Okay, you know what? I think it’s time that I face what this person did to me,” and choose to forgive them because you don’t deserve to feel that type of pain, that type of weight bringing you down. If you feel like you’re just completely tired, mo matter how bad the thing that someone did to you was, you need to be willing to forgive them if you want to feel happy, and free, and light again.
So, on that note, I want to close this off with this quote that I found that was really great for this and that is that…
“Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others– it only changes yours.” -Shannon L. Alder.
So, that’s it for this video. Thank you so much for watching. If you’re interested in more subscribe to this channel where I will be updating a video every other Wednesday or visit my website itxayana.com. You can also follow me on my social media accounts which the links are down below (upper right corner if you’re reading this). If you like this video, give it a thumbs up and share it with your friends. Or leave a comment down below and tell me how you forgive people who have done you wrong!!