Hey guys! My name’s Itxy, and today we’re going to talk about how to stop beating yourself up for what happened in past.
By the end of this video, you’ll know how to finally forgive yourself, and to let go of something once and for all.
I do want to say though, if you stay until the end of this video, I have a freebie. I have a FREE WORKSHEET!
There are a lot of questions that you have to answer in this video, so this worksheet lays everything out for you, and makes it all really easy.
We often think about memories, and while some are to relive happy moments, sometimes we’ll relive the not-so-happy moments.
Why we do this is beyond me. We conjure up a memory that brings tears to our eyes, makes us feel embarrassed or ashamed, or memories that make us feel angry.
Obviously we’ll react this way because of what the other person that was involved did to us.
If you got your heart broken, for example, you get sad or angry at the other person.
But I also think that it’s deeper than that — I think that one of the reasons we’ll feel embarrassed and angry isn’t necessarily at the person who hurt us, but at ourselves.
We beat ourselves up not because of the other person, but because of what we did. Because of:
- the way we reacted
- for the way we didn’t react
- the actions we took that led up to that situation
- for allowing ourselves to get into that situation in the first place.
Let me give you some examples so that you know what I’m talking about.
You could be beating yourself up over a fight you and your best friend had, but really you’re just angry at yourself for not seeing her side when she was clearly is distress.
You could be mad at someone for making a joke about you. But what you’re really mad at is yourself because someone insulted you and all you did was laugh it off instead of standing up for yourself.
Or you could be annoyed at an opportunity that popped up that sounded great but was too risky. Really, your annoyed at yourself for being unwilling to take the risk.
The point is that we relive our past thinking that we’re mad at something or someone but in reality we’re mad at ourselves.
The only way to stop beating ourselves up over the past, and the way to stop reliving a specific memory is to forgive ourselves.
Maybe that wasn’t the thing you were expecting to hear. Maybe it sounds too simple. But just give me a few more minutes to explain and to tell you how to forgive yourself.
Whatever you’re thinking of, it’s causing you pain, and you’re tired of reliving it over and over again.
In order to stop thinking about this thing, the very first thing you have to do is:
RELIVE THE MEMORY ONE MORE TIME
When you’re conjuring up this memory see it in full, see it in HD and with surround sound. Really put yourself in the position that has you feeling whatever you’re feeling.
Figure that out and answer these questions:
- Why am I thinking about this so much?
- Why is it making me feel so angry and ashamed (or whatever you’re feeling)?
- Is it really because of what the other person or thing “did” to you or is it because of the way you reacted (or didn’t react)?
Pinpoint that first: Why are you so angry at yourself for the thing that happened?
Don’t focus on the other person or what they did and how much of an asshole they were. Literally just focus on you, and think Why am I so mad at myself?
Once you’ve figure that out, you’re going to have to forgive yourself for acting the way you did, and forgive yourself for the way you’re feeling.
Before you can forgive yourself, it’s time to let go of what you’re feeling.
The way that you get rid of a feeling isn’t by getting angry at yourself for feeling angry because that just makes everything worse. It’s like fighting fire with fire.
So, you have to let go of the feeling, and you do that by thanking it.
You can say something like…
You have to put yourself in a position where you’re grateful for the feeling so that you can finally move on.
There are 2 steps you need to take in order to finally forgive yourself.
- You find a lesson
- Think about how you’ve grown since that situation
1. FIND A LESSON
Find a lesson in the memory that you have to relive. It’s really self-explanatory. What lesson can you find in this situation? What can it teach you?
Say it was the situation where someone said something rude to you and instead of standing up for yourself you laughed. What can you learn from that?
It’s easy. It’s just stand up for myself from now on. You might even realize that it’s something that you do often. Maybe you have other memories where you didn’t stand up for yourself, and you realize that this is a habit.
Now you have to figure out, how do I break this habit and start raising my voice, and using my voice, and learn how to stand up for myself?
Finally, ask yourself…
2. HOW HAVE YOU GROWN?
I don’t think that you’ll truly forgive yourself until you figure out how you’ve grown since that situation.
There could be some things that you still need to work on. For example, you still haven’t learned to stand up for yourself, and that’s why you need to find that lesson, but I know for a fact that since that situation, you have grown.
Maybe now you voice your opinions more often, or you’re unafraid to be yourself in certain situations. Those steps count!
Figure out how you have grown since then, and then figure out how you will manage to grow from now on.
In order to forgive yourself just remember: figure out the lesson that you learned, and then pinpoint the areas where you have had growth. It’s good to acknowledge every single step that has taken you to where you are, even if you still have space to grow.
Now, like I said in the beginning, I do have a freebie!
It’s called Forgive, Forgive, and Let it Go. It’s a worksheet, and it has all of the questions that we talked about laid out for you. There’s space for you to answer, too. It just makes all of this really easy, like in case you didn’t take notes or anything.
Get it here!
Next week: How you can motivate others!